Tonight at dinner, my sister was telling me about a dream she had recently. It seemed so far fetched until we consulted the web experts (i.e. madame dream doctor). Suddenly, such an odd situation made a ton of sense.
Of course, like any normal human being, my innocent search of dream themes got me thinking and searching… trying to satiate my need to interpret every single dream I’ve had in the last 30 years. That’s when it dawned on me – I haven’t had a truly memorable dream in the last decade. Seriously.
When I was younger, I used to have some really wild dreams. Half the time, I’d wake up thinking what in the world? By some serious stretches, I could generally make connections to what was going on in my life at the time.
Recently, there’s nothing of note. That is, until I started going down my rabbit hole of dream interpretations in my google search.
There is one dream that I’ve had a few times now for the last three months. While nothing in the dream is that exciting or noteworthy, I realized it has been repetitive. I’ve had a school themed dream at least a half a dozen times since then. The dream goes something like this — I’m slowly walking down the halls of what seems to be a high school. It’s not my high school, I know for certain. While it appears I’m under control and am walking calmly to my first class, on the inside I’m panicking. Somehow, I’ve misplaced my weekly schedule and have no clue what’s on the docket for my first day. This spirals into a dooms day situation… where is my locker? what books do I need to bring to class? was there an assignment that needed to be completed?
It’s been 13 years since I graduated from high school and 9 years since college. Why in the world am I being plagued by the past so many years later?
In my search for the right diagnosis, I learned a few interesting things. Dreams of being unprepared are one of the most common dream themes. Think having to give a presentation to a lot of people in your underwear or having to take an important test that you haven’t studied a minute for. That makes sense to me since these are the dreams that immediately come to mind when I think about dreams and interpreting dreams. That and falling. I used to have those dreams all the time when I was in elementary school, but I digress.
At its core, this has to do with anxiety when self-importance is on the line. I wake up feeling unnerved, like I’m the most unprepared boob that’s ever lived. My next thought is consistent with Ebenezer Scrooge’s the morning after his wild night with the ghosts of Christmas. I haven’t effed this up! There’s still time!!!
Without realizing, I make the connection of academics to work. I leave for the day with a real sense of purpose with something to prove.
My last school disaster hit me two weeks ago and hasn’t returned since then. In a way, having the dream is great. Having that sense of anxiety projects me forward. On the other hand, could there be some kind of insecurity I have at work? Outside of work? I can’t be sure.
I guess it’s time for bed.